Bashiok: Jay, the forums are complaining that Barbarians aren't tanky enough.

Jay: The game's hard for every class.

Bashiok: The players from Method Gaming are now farming Inferno with their Wizards and Demon Hunters.

Jay: Think they can give me advice on how to beat the butcher?

Bashiok: Really, though - the Barbarian relies on odd proc-based abilities to tank. It's unreliable.

Jay: I dunno, man. I'm killing these skeletons like their nothing. I feel invincible on my Barbarian.

Bashiok: You're on Normal mode.

Jay: I'm already on the second Act I quest.

Bashiok: I repeat - Wizards and Demon hunters are farming Act IV. Inferno.

Jay: Hah. Good one, man.

Bashiok: I'm serious!

*Bobby Kotick enters the room.*

Bobby: Hey guys.

Jay: Cringe.
Bashiok: Sigh.

Bobby: Diablo III is a failure.

Bashiok: Oh, you've heard about the imbalance, one-week Inferno clear, and connectivity issues?

Bobby: No, I've heard we didn't implement the real money auction house yet.

Bashiok: I don't think it's a good idea with all of these glitches.

Bobby: I don't think I made myself clear. We're not making any money.

Bashiok: We made money from the initial sales, and now we-

Bobby: I NEED MONEY, MINION.

*Bobby's eyes blaze with unholy flames.*

Bashiok: My God...

Bobby: God has nothing to do with it!

Bashiok: We'll get on it soon! We just need to make sure people feel safe spending their money!

*Bobby's cell phone rings. The flames in Bobby's eyes simmer.*

Bobby: I'll check back with you soon. I need to take this call from Tryndamere.

Bashiok: The president of Riot games?

Bobby: Yep.

Bashiok: Ask him to give us advice on how to balance melee.

Bobby: Nope. We're going to talk about money.

Bashiok: Really, though-

Bobby: Moneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoney.

*Bobby leaves the room.*

Bashiok: ... Sometimes I regret merging with Activision.

Jay: I don't see what Barbarian players are complaining about . I just killed the butcher! Easy!

Bashiok: You're still on normal mode.

Bashiok: The auction house isn't working again.

Jay: I just finished Act II. Demon Hunters are awesome.

Bashiok: Wait. Weren't you playing a Barbarian?

Jay: I switched to Demon Hunter when I couldn't beat Belial.

Bashiok: On NORMAL mode?

Jay: Barbarians are fine.

*Nethaera enters the office.*

Nethaera: Guys, red alert!

Bashiok: That was actually a good game.

Nethaera: No, I mean - emergency!

Jay: Shh. I'm having trouble with the first Act III quest...

Nethaera: Huh. You're already that far into Inferno.

Bashiok: Normal mode.

*Jay is quiet. Nethaera looks awkward.*

Bashiok: What's the emergency?

Nethaera: We've just received reports of hacking. People are losing their items and gold.

Bashiok: What about authenticators?

Nethaera: Authenticators have been compromised.

Bashiok: What do we do?

Jay: I know. Let's sell authenticators for the authenticators.

Bashiok: What?
Nethaera: Huh?

Jay: In order to use your authenticator, you need to buy another authenticator to see your authenticator's code.

Bashiok: Sounds redundant. Almost like we're leaching the player base for money.

*Bobby Kotick bursts into the room.*

Bobby: Did I hear talk about monetizing our monetization schemes?

Jay: Yes you did.

Bobby: Someone's getting a promotion!

Jay: Sweet! I reached Act III and I get a promotion.

Bobby: Wow, you're already that far into Inferno huh?

*Awkward silence in the room.*

Bashiok: ...he's still on normal difficulty.

Jay: Barbarians are fine.